legacy media is thirsty for fresh blood
all's fair in love and consolidation
QUICK HITS
Upscale restaurants are serving tiny portions of luxurious ingredients priced at $20–$30 each—because their clientele is on Ozempic anyway, and some of you only dine out to let the rest of us know you did.
Did I not say all roads lead to CPG? I believe I did. Alex Cooper is partnering with Nestlé to launch a caffeinated hydration brand called Unwell. According to her, the beverage line is “a drink by women… FOR EVERYONE… For my hungover bitches on their walk of shames, the hot c*nts who actually go to Pilates every morning, the girlies grinding it out at their desks, and the superhuman moms working their asses off.” As expected, reactions were mixed—because really, who needs another celebrity beverage brand? Look, I like Alex and respect her grind, but your guess is as good as mine as to how this product will perform. The market is wildly saturated right now—PRIME Hydration is in negative sales territory, and I fully expect Kylie Jenner’s Sprinter to be history by this time next year. Partnering with Nestlé right out of the gate was a smart move—at least they’ve got that going for them. I don’t want to dwell on this because, honestly, I really don’t care.
Khloe Kardashian is preparing to launch a line of high-protein snacks and popcorn called Khloud, with the backing of Michael Kives’ K5 Global, also a major investor in Kendall’s 818 Tequila. According to an SEC filing, Khloé, along with Kris Jenner, are looking to raise a $10 million round, with $4.45 million secured so far. I mean, if there was ever a time to launch a protein snack brand, I guess now’s the time.
The average American thinks a salary of just over $270,000 a year qualifies them as "financially successful." For Gen Z, that figure is nearly $600,000—roughly three to six times what any other age group said they would need and almost nine times the average U.S. salary. Slay. You’ve heard this story before: young people can’t find good jobs, prices are rising, home ownership looks impossible. Long live the bank of mommy and daddy. All true. But then there’s also the money dysmorphia of it all—the fact that lifestyle ideals are no longer dictated by our immediate environments but by celebrities and influencers who literally get paid to project these lifestyles. On the bright side, 71% of Gen Z respondents said they expected to achieve financial success in their lifetimes, more than any other age group. We’re an optimistic bunch.
Meanwhile, I’ve seen maybe five articles in the last month suggesting that Gen Z’s financial angst might be to blame for their shift to the right. Anecdotally, every newly conservative young person I know (and I know a few) cited the economy as a major reason for their changing political views. An older colleague once said to me, “Gen Z isn’t special. Young people are always driven by their ideals until they’re driven by their bills”.
Here’s what I know: legacy media is thirsty for fresh blood, and 2025 will be the year some of your favorite Substack writers get poached. I’ll be here to write all about it. “Media braces for consolidation in 2025, as investors chase Bari Weiss’ Free Press,” reads a recent Semafor headline. According to the article, Weiss has been “inundated” with investment offers for her Substack-based media publication, which she attributes to a “vibe shift” in the news landscape post-election. For many media CEOs, if Trump’s election offers any silver lining, it's the return of a potentially more merger-friendly environment. In recent months, there’s been talk of The Post acquiring Punchbowl. There’s also been talk of them acquiring Airmail. I think at least one of these is likely to happen. Independent media is also all-in on consolidation. This week, Puck announced that it had acquired
’s Retail Diary, its second Substack acquisition after buying Artelligence earlier this year. In a recent episode of The Grill Room podcast, The Daily Wire co-founder Jeremy Boreing teased potential acquisitions for the conservative media company. The thing is, media is only going to get more fragmented in the next four years, as people further retreat into their echo chambers and increasingly seek out media that validates their worldview. Politics aside, more media consumption will become taste driven—independent media thrives in these conditions. The biggest players are going to want to own as many of these fragmented pieces as possible. I’d be very surprised if Substack wasn’t working on bundling options as we speak.Being a woman is so expensive I want to cry. I need to be sponsored! According to BoF, “a wave of product launches, including hair and body serums, masks, treatments, and oils, has given way to seven-step hair care routines, 15-step hand-care routines, and viral ‘everything showers.’” It’s true.
Skims and The North Face collab is gorgeous except I really do hate a double logo. Working with The North Face on this one was the right move. I work in sports, so I know outerwear is one of those categories that require a lot of consumer confidence. In an interview with the WSJ, Kim described Skims as a brand that was never meant to be limited to a single category—it looks for “solutions” in all forms of clothing and accessories. Not to be a stan, but I have complete faith in this woman’s vision.
People spent more than $28 billion on destination weddings in 2023, up $7 billion from the year before. The industry is expected to top $100 billion by 2028. According to a survey of 10,000 couples by The Knot, one in five couples who married last year had a destination wedding, with 12% of those weddings happening in a foreign country. The most popular reason for choosing a location? It was “interesting.” I know more than a few people who have delayed getting married because they are saving up for a destination wedding. More still who have fallen out with friends and family because they wouldn’t or couldn’t attend their destination weddings. Anyway, I hope you guys aren’t going into debt for pictures in Cancún. Looking at these stats, you’d think the economy isn’t what it is.
Haliey Welch seems like a really nice girl. Caroline Calloway interviewed her for Interview Magazine and it reminded me that at least one publication still has celebrity interviews worth reading.
Putin’s “secret” youngest daughter is reportedly living as a DJ in Paris. On Clubhouse circa 2021, she described her life as living in obscurity. She said she deliberately lives in a “bubble” and does not watch the news. Naturally.
In the last year or two, I’ve become very interested in how young people live at home—how they’re decorating, cooking, hosting, working. Jesse Lee, founder of Basic.Space, told the Financial Times, “People were posting selfies of themselves in the mirror, now they’re posting the mirror. Fashion used to matter more, but now people are working at home in sweats and they care more about the chair they’re sitting in.” I think the pandemic gave people a very sacred yet performative relationship with their homes. I’ve written about the idea of “home as set” a few times before. What happens when our homes—an extension of ourselves—are set up for online consumption? When pots, pans, bookshelves, and condiments become props that construct a life? I’ve noticed that pastel-colored, vintage-style bathrooms are a thing right now. Pinterest Predicts says primary colors and maximalism will be the major interior trends in 2025. I’m going to do a deep dive on Gen Z home living trends next year. I think this is important stuff, people!
OpenAI’s first CMO is the brains behind those Coinbase Super Bowl ads. Before joining Coinbase in 2021, Kate Rouch spent more than 11 years at Meta, including a role as global head of brand and product marketing for Instagram, WhatsApp, Messenger, and Facebook. What this tells me is that the AI arms race is heating up, and these companies are now entering the era of winning hearts, minds, dollars, and market share. Separately, OpenAI has spent the last few months poaching advertising talent from competitors like Meta and Google. It looks like introducing ads as an added revenue stream is very much on the table.
’s thoughts on the internet’s reaction to the murder of the CEO of UnitedHealthcare are my thoughts on the internet’s reaction to the death of the CEO of UnitedHealthcare.
Instead of centering the stories of those harmed by UnitedHealth and the very real outrage that most Americans feel about the way the healthcare system is run today, the media is publishing a tidal wave of breathless articles about the loss of "civility" and "respect" online.
Have some people’s jokes gone too far? Yes. Are some people being craven and cruel? Yes. Are some people irresponsibly calling for more violence? Yes. But to report on the online commentary surrounding Thompson's death without examining the systemic cruelty of our healthcare system is to willfully strip context from these online outpourings.
According to Launchmetrics, Addison Rae’s VMA look generated $927,000 in media impact value in the first week. Last week, at least two of you requested that I write more about Addison’s fashion evolution. (I guess my message on Proust didn’t sink in). I wasn’t going to oblige, but then Vogue wrote a piece on it, so I changed my mind. The team over there seems to think Addison owes her popularity to “normal-hot” being a thing now. “Normal-hot is the essence of a crush you would have in real life. It’s a look that’s replicable; Rae is papped as often in Lululemon zip-ups and Alo shorts as she is in vintage designer pieces.” I disagree. Addison’s appeal is that she’s fun, freaky, and weird in a sea of famous people who are decidedly not fun, freaky, or weird. She’s a persona; we have so few of those these days. At the very list, she’s one of the only influencers left who actually look happy to be wearing nice clothes.
The way you stan for Kim K’s vision is the way I stan for Caroline Calloway’s vision — the woman is absolutely nuts but she has a vision and a crazy sharp PR brain, everything she does is just a little freaky and very sticky, low key like Addison Rae
Argh, that double logo is just so ugly. Why, oh why?!!